Those Goddamn Tables
by MaD aS a HaTtEr 14
Summary: Everyone says how Venice is "perfect" and "amazing " and "brilliant". You know what I say? Venice...was a mistake. ESPECIALLY for Demi gods like me and Valdez. Warning; this contains disturbed Venician mums, doomed tables, and a cyclops named Jeff. Rated T cuz I'm paranoid/bit of language. And yes. Yes I do suck at summaries ;P


**_A.N. Sup? Soooo...yeah. First ff. and was written whilst yours truly had (and still has) a concussion; so dizziness and headaches extreme ;-; but I felt like i really needed to get this up sooo...yeah. Hope it doesn't suck. Probably have another ff up later. Enjoy my oneshot, peeps!_**

**_Me; Leo?_**

**_Leo; sup?_**

**_Me; aren't ya gonna..._**

**_Leo; *le sigh* do I HAVE to?_**

**_Me; yes_**

**_Leo; can't Percy just-_**

**_Me; no. Percy's busy. So you can do it._**

**_Leo; but-_**

**_Me; JUST SAY THE GODDAMN DISCLAIMER!_**

**_Leo...*sigh*rick Riordan is a fourty nine year old dude with kids and a wife. Alice here is a _(yeah I'm not telling y'all MA age :P)year old girl with NO KIDS, and no relationship whatsoever. Therefore; Alice does not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Heroes of Olympus, or anything like that_**

**_Me;...ya heard the boy. Now, shoo! Go read and leave us to eat spaghetti tacos in peace!_**

_I was this close to saying Venice was actually enjoyable. This. Freaking. Close. But nooooo. Apparently the goddamn stupid flipping Gaians had to just come along and RUIN IT. I mean, c'mon! Is it really too freaking much to ask that we have one nice, enjoyable, NORMAL day?! SERIOUSLY?!_

...Apparently so. And the chosen method of spreading this news? One disturbingly high pitched, girlish shriek. I immediately shoot upwards, and bang my head on the underside of a table. OwowowowowowowOW! Uttering a few strongly worded curses, I slowly and gingerly retreat from underneath the table, now clutching my head.

"Argh. Stupid. Goddamn. Flipping. Tables." I mutter, scrambling to my feet; and, naturally, almost falling straight back over. _The ever growing list of joys associated with being a klutz never ceases to amaze,_ I think wryly as I regain my hardly existent balance. Once I'm firmly back on my feet, I glare around me. "Stupid freaking..." I trail off as I spot my target; the table. Grrrrrrr. "What're you looking at?!" I demand, before whipping out my twin daggers and proceeding to stick the offending piece of furniture with them. "YEAH! How'd ya like THAT?!" I laugh, beginning a small victory dance. "Take THAT, ya stupid...table..." I trail off, as I realise what I just did. "Oh damn...uh...sorry?" I awkwardly pet the table, then remove the daggers. Then pause. "Uuuuuhhhh...what am I-" I get interrupted by another scream. "OOOOH yeah. Leo. Screaming." *mega face palm*. I alter my grip on my daggers. "COMIN, REPAIR BOY! I'M ON MA WAY!" I holler, starting to run. Waaaait. Should I? Yeah..."AND NO. I TOTALLY DIDN'T FORGET YOU NEED HELP OR CHIZ AND YEAH..." I trail off. _Hey, he'll forgive me...right_? I vault over a couple of barrels, and tear off down the alleyway, making a load of sharp left and right turns.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-_sup? don't mind me, I'm bob the break line_~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

_whoa whoa WHOA. Exactly where I am I running too?...__Ooooooh **crap**._ Mentally cursing myself in Latin, I skid to a stop. "HEY LEO! COULD YA YELL AGAIN OR SOMETHING? SO I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?! PLEEEAAAASSSEEEE!" For a moment there is an awkward pause, and I slowly realise I'm standing in the middle of a town square, with half my clothes shredded to pieces, a load of blood matted into my hair, gripping two daggers; and yelling my head off. So I guess you can imagine the looks I'm getting. One particular mum and her tiny little swathered-in-pink adorable blonde girl walk particularly close. "Errr...hi?" I wave a little awkwardly at them. The mum glares at me, and hurriedly ushers her daughter into a patteserrie. (**A.N. I have no idea how to spell that :/**)...well that wasnt offensive at all...just as I start to attract a worryingly large crowd, a familiar yell cuts through the awkward silence.

"AAAALLLLIIICCCCEEE!" Leo yells. I grin, and start pushing through to crowd, uttering a few 'excuse me's' and 'sorry coming through's' to anyone who hasnt immediately dived out of the way. _Huh, _I realise. _I'm only like, a block away. Coolio._

"CHEERS, LEO!" I holler before sprinting off. I make a few more twisty turns, duck under a few strung-between-buildings washing lines, narrowly avoid some women carrying baskets of oranges and assorted fruits on their heads, and...oh. Oooooooh shit.

Leo looks up at me from an extremely awkward position; held upside down from his feet and in the midst of being banged against the ground. And the lovely chappie holding Leo in said way; a motherfreaking cyclops. _Joy_. Note the sarcasm.

"S'up, Jennings?" Asks Leo, shooting me with a finger gun. How he can even think of doing that at this moment; I don't know.

"Nothin much. Having fun there?" I ask carefully, keeping an eye on the Cyclops as I gingerly slide my daggers back into their sheaths. Leo sends me a look like; have you completely lost it? I switch gaze momentarily, and send Valdez my best just-go-along-with-it-dumbass glare. He nods solemnly; then winks, mouthing "whatever you say, Jennings"

_"Leo!"_ I hiss loudly without even thinking. "_nows not the ti_-oooh damn." I trail off, as the Cyclops looks slowly between me and leo, as if its finally connected the dots on an extra hard puzzle. it grunts. "Leo? Leo. Gaia wants Leo. Gaia will have Leo."

"What?!" Leo yelps, looking at me in his panicky way. "Look. That's a great idea and all, and you send queen dirt face my regards; but I'd rather stay here. Alive. Just seems more...appealing." _No chiz,_ I think to myself, my hands itching to grab my bow. Or daggers. Or-_ oh, I don't care! Just __something! _The Cyclops grunts again. "Leo not cooperating. Leo will cooperate." It raises Leo; probably to smash him against the ground. Again. _Not gonna freaking happen, bozo._ Without thinking I slap my charm necklace; and in a flash I'm holding my bow in my left hand, with my quiver strapped to my back, full to the brim. Man, I love that necklace.

I'm dragged out of my thought as a certain cyclops bangs Leo's head against the ground. Then again. And again. And again-"OI! CUT IT OUT!" I yell, before quickly nocking an arrow, and drawing the string back until its in a firm line down the centre of my face. The cyclops pauses for a moment, confused; then slowly raises its arm again. I guess its now or never. with a quick prayer, I let the arrow fly. And, thank Jupiter, it embeds itself in my target. The cyclops grunts. It drops Leo. And Repair Boy lands on his back with a crack on the, note, **solid stone pavement**. I wince, and call out "...you ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be okay with having my head caved in by some guy who smells like a basketball player's gym socks, then being dropped on solid stone without a second thought?!" Leo exclaims sarcastically, climbing to his feet.

"So...you're fine." I guess, trying for a cheeky grin. Leo rolls his eyes.

"You're impossible."

"Correction; I'm me. And, at least I rescued you! I could have just left you to Jeff!"

"...Jeff?"

"Jeff. The cyclops."

"oooooooh...I could have dealed with him." Leo smooths his hair back, trying to look smooth. I smirk.

"sure you could." In one smooth move I raise my bow, aim, and fire. An arrow sails over Leo's head, and embeds itself in Jeff; who was about to swipe at Valdez's head with his club, which, I'm guessing, just appeared from mid air. Sure. Why not. It's not like we've seen weirder. Jeff makes this confused face like;_ why is there something sticking out of my chest? There shouldn't be something sticking out of my chest._ Struggling not to laugh, I start to nock another arrow; but Leo has already got his flaming hammer out and is beating Jeff to death with it. Kinda like how hyperactive three year old kids attack anything they can reach with their toy hammer. Sure. Laugh all you want. But it's damn scary. Especially when the target is your shins. *shivers*.

I'm content to just sit back and watch the show; until Valdez manages to loose his hammer. *facepalm* Leo gets that hilarious tragic NOOOOOO look on his face as the hammer flies up; and into a nearby canal. I sigh, and shrink my bow and quiver back into necklace form, before unsheathing my twin daggers. "Seriously, Valdez? SERIOUSLY!" I exclaim.

"What? I was distracted!"

"BY WHAT?!" I explode. Repair boy blushes, and suddenly seems very interested in the canal. "Well?!" I'm about to start towards Leo; but something suddenly hits me in the back, knocking me to the ground.

"ALICE!" Leo yells, his palms starting to go all flamey. I signal im okay- then a horrible stench like 10 year old gym socks that've never been washed hits me, followed by a familiar grunt that's frankly just pissing me off.

"Alice. Aaaalice. Gaia wants Alice. Gaia will-"

"Gaia will kiss my ass." I mutter, before flipping over and thrusting my daggers upwards. there's a confused little "Whu-" then Jeff explodes into a cloud of yellow sand. And of course; it lands all over me.

"AHHHH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" I yell, writhing around and desperately brushing at my clothes. "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF-" suddenly a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and pick me up off the ground.

"Get it off?" Smirks a familiar voice.

"VALDEZ! YOU PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!" I demand, looking around for my daggers; and spot them lying on the ground. _Damn._ Leo laughs evilly.

"Oh, I'll put you down."

"...what?" Suddenly Leo starts walking towards the canal. "Leo? Leo what are you-OHMYGODSVALDEZDONTYOUDARE!" I scream, struggling to escape. Leo just laughs manically.

"Might wanna hold your breath."

"LEONODONTYOU-AH!" Suddenly Leo drops me; and I land with a loud splash in the canal. For a few moments I drift underwater from the shock, then start swimming towards the surface. With one final stroke, I break through and take a welcome gulp of air, automatically starting to tread water. Once I've got my breath back, I swim towards to bank. "_Valdez!"_ I holler, finding I'm close enough to the bank to be able to stand up in the water. Now, don't get me wrong. If this was a normal day, I'd be all for swimming. But in this case; I'm just not. Suddenly a familiar Latino Santa's elf peeks over the edge.

"Wassup?" He grins.

"Oh, nothing. Just...Leo? Can you come a little closer?" I smile innocently up at him. Leo frowns, but obliges. "It's just...THIS!" I grab his arm and yank him forward; Leo flips over my head, and bellyflops into the water. Cackling manically, I let go of him and start swimming for the edge; but something grabs my legs and drags me backwards. I shriek and twist round, punching whatever had hold of me; and Leo yelps, letting go and glaring at me.

"what was that for?!"

"...self defence?" I grin sheepishly. Leo nods, and raises his hands in defeat, shrugging like, no biggie.

"Oh. Oh, ok." I relax. _Thank Pluto. He's not_-suddenly a wave of water splashes into me, causing me to shriek and fall over. In front of me, Leo doubles over, laughing his head off. Dangerously slowly, I sweep my hair out of my eyes, and stand up. Oh it's **_on_**.

three hours later when Hazel came looking for a certain two Demi gods, she found the two flaked out on the pavement, soaking wet and asleep. Once convinced they were just asleep, and not dead or near-dead, she started over towards the pair; and froze as Alice stirred slightly, before mumbling, "those...goddamn...tables..." Hazel frowned. Tables? Why on Olympus would Alice be cursing...tables? Sighing, Hazel knelt down beside them, and started shaking them awake. Leo must be rubbing off an Alice more than they thought...

**A.N. so, what'd ya'll think? This was basically a test run for my OC, Alice Jennings. Hopefully I didn't botch this whole thing up. **

**Iggy; I think it was brilliant!**

**Me; AWWWW, thanks Ig-...why do you feel the need to do that? ;-; and what're you doin here, anyway? Wrong story, Igmister! **

**Iggy; oooooh yeah...*disappears in puff of smoke***

**aaaaanyway...flames are accepted! Unless they're absolutely horrid. Then they shall be used to make a campfire which I shall make s'mores upon!**

**Leo; what about tacos?**

**Me; *facepalm* tacos. For. later. Capeesh?**

**Leo;...Capeesh.**

**Me; Alice out**

**Leo; Leo out**

**Both; BROOOOFISSST!**


End file.
